So many of my posts are about the Catholic Church and my support of it. However, just like when I was in high school, I find myself questioning things and the path I am on. It is mostly because of my children. What path should I be leading them down?
I have always had a strong connection to what I believe is God. I was raised in the Catholic Church and I was taught to believe in the bible, Jesus and Mary. The path I took as a child was also in Catholic school. It was there that I learned that I had to follow all the rules or risk going to hell. As I became a mother I felt so much pressure to do right by my children and the Catholic Church. It seemed everything I was doing was going to send me to hell. If we missed mass or I didn’t read the bible to them I risked going to hell. When we did get to mass it was honestly torture because it was just me and three kids, two of which didn’t want to be there. By the time mass was over I was either crying or my kids were because they lost electronics for the day.
Could the God I love really be willing to send me to hell for these things? Could this really be the right path for us? He/she knows how hard I am trying. They know what is in my heart but is that not good enough? To me my inner voice always told me that God loves me and is proud of me. He/she sees my sorrow and pain, my remorse and shame. My God wants me to be with them, not burn in hell. My path is to God but do I get there by following my current path of the Catholic Church? Is the current path that the church is going down the right one? Have the leaders veered off course at all?
Forcing my kids to go to church was making them hate the religion I wanted them to love. On top of that because they do not go to Catholic school they have to go to faith formation class. Our choices were Sunday morning, Tuesday right after school, a week in the summer or homeschooling. All were very challenging for us but we plugged through trying to figure out what works best for each child. Honestly, I don’t know what they have really learned beside the fact that they hate these classes and this is not the path they want to follow.
My struggles have really been weighing on me. Now with this mandatory stay at home there is no obligation to go to physical mass or attend certain events because all public gatherings are not allowed. Mass is now on TV or events are on zoom. This has opened my eyes to my truth. My truth is that God loves all of us and he wants us to love one another and treat others with love and kindness. He gave us Jesus and Jesus gave us the Church. I believe the Apostles Creed;
I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Creator of Heaven and earth;
and in Jesus Christ, His only Son Our Lord,
Who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried.
He descended into Hell; the third day He rose again from the dead;
He ascended into Heaven, and sitteth at the right hand of God, the Father almighty; from thence He shall come to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy Catholic Church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body and life everlasting.
The rest of the rules of the Catholic Church were created by men through the years. Many have changed since the beginning and I believe they will change again. I believe God wants me to lead my children to be good individuals and to know and love him. So while my children may chose to take a different religious path in life my hope is that our paths will lead to the same destination. I am committed to doing what is needed to help them find their paths and their relationship to God.
Copyright 2020 Sheila M Scarpulla. All rights reserved. No reproduction without written consent.