My Struggle Going to Church

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Sunday at church I struggled.  I had to fight back my tears and when I finally got home I sat in my room crying.  Church should lift you up.  If you are brought to tears I would hope they would be the tears of joy, not sadness.  Yet, mine were the later.

My husband currently does not go to church with us.  If I want my children to go to church I bring them.  Unfortunately, we are not usually able to get to the children’s mass.  Therefore, the mass we attend usually has only a handful of children at it.

I usually bring things like a children’s mass book or a coloring book to keep the youngest occupied, but on this day I was rushed and had nothing on me.  The older two I simply explain to them that God gave us everything we have so we can at least give him an hour out of our week.  I ask them to be on their best behavior.  It’s hard though.  I understand that.  That is why I enjoyed attending a Protestant church in the past because they seemed to make going to church fun.  You wanted to be there.

As I have learned more about my religion I have come to love the beauty of the mass and love being there.  Plus at our current church they have some great music that the kids and I love.  Yet, my children are just that, children and I don’t expect them to always be perfect but close would be nice.  I never know going into church if it will be a good day or bad day.  Will the children behave and sit still or not?

This time it is was a bad day.  My children were bothering each other all through mass and my middle child (R) was acting out for attention so bad.  How do parents do it?  How do those of you who have children with ADD or ADHD make it through mass?

I have been told my son does not have either ADD or ADHD by his teachers and counselors but on this day I wondered if they were wrong.  If they weren’t wrong why was he not listening?  The worst part of it all is my anxiety got the best of me.  I felt like everyone was staring at us and snickering and I told him he was humiliating me.  Who does that?  How dare I say that to him, but I did.  I did and felt horrible.

Here we were in God’s house and I just felt negative all around me and in me.  God gave me three beautiful children and here I was in his house unable to get them to behave.  I was saying not nice things and making empty threats.  No wonder my husband doesn’t come to church with us.  He doesn’t have time to deal with all this and on this day I don’t blame him.

How do I make it better?  How do I move forward and look forward to next Sunday?  I may not know the answer but I do know that I won’t stop trying.  I will do what I know best; pray.  I will pray for all of us and everyone at church.  I will pray and pray and pray.  I will also keep trying.  I know I can find patience within me somehow some way.

If anyone has ever felt close to what I was feeling I would love to hear from you.  If you have any tips that have worked for you that would be wonderful to hear too.
Thank you for listening.

copyright 2015 Sheila M Scarpulla.  All rights reserved.  No reproduction without written consent.

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