So it has been 4 months since my New Year’s resolution began. My resolution was to take care of myself not only for me but also my family. I am doing well in some departments and not so good in others. I have decided to step down from all my commitments at church except for CFM (Christian Foundations for Ministry). That is a 3 year program which meets 3 times a year, for 8 weeks. We send our kids to CCD or private school but we as adults usually don’t continue our religious education. So I am taking classes to learn more about my faith.
I am taking my responsibilities as a stay at home mom more seriously and trying to get the house and our lives in order. Donate, sell, and get rid of. Donate, sell, and get rid of. Slowly but surely clutter is leaving us.
I joined a gym and planned to go 5 days a week. That is not happening. Some weeks sure, I go, others I can’t even seem to get there one day. Some people get up at the crack of dawn to go but me….I LOVE sleep so I would much rather get the sleep I need instead of hitting the gym. When I am there I love it and feel accomplished but when I don’t get there it sucks. Yet, I still try to go. Sure I might miss a week but as soon as I am able I get back there. I don’t just quit or stop.
Eating… ahhh eating. I love to eat. Food is so good and I love the feeling I get eating it. Yet, I am trying to learn new eating habits and it’s a struggle. The first month I did awesome, great. We went out to eat in March and my son said to me…“Mommy when are you going to eat real food?” I realize then that this wasn’t going to last forever. So I am taking baby steps. There are days that I feel so defeated and my husband reminds me that as long as I keep trying I am succeeding. That’s what matters. Not quitting and not giving up. No matter how many times I have to try again. I keep trying. Trying makes perfect right?
The reason I am posting this today is because this weekend I am going to see my niece receive her first communion. While I am stoked to be going, as time gets closer I am getting more and more anxious. You see my weight loss goal wasn’t for the year but to make it to May and by looking at me you can’t see any change. Heck, if you haven’t seen me in months you might just think ‘what the hell happened to her’. Pictures will be taken and how am I going to avoid that? I can’t. I want my family to be proud of me not ashamed. This is scary stuff, people.
I grew up being able to eat whatever I wanted and it did not affect my weight. I was so active with cheerleading, dance, soccer, walking. Weight was NEVER an issue. I got pregnant and the weight came on. It came on so quickly too. When I was pregnant with my first son I had issues with my sciatica nerve and was barely able to even walk; so much for exercising or working out. Since then taking care of my family has been my purpose. When I was stressed I didn’t turn to alcohol or drugs I turned to food. Oh it is so good. But if you are not active, you can not eat whatever you want and not pay for it.
I saw my doctor this past week and told her I wanted to have surgery. I also asked if she knew of some kind of medication I could take. She looked at me and told me I could do it. I just have to decide that I am going to do it and do it. Sure this coming from the tiny doctor. I told her I didn’t want to be a ‘bad mom’ by not letting my kids have the treats because they are oh so good. She told me I am being a better mom by teaching them how to have good eating habits at such a young age.
So while I have not come far with losing weight, I am truly growing as a person. I know that with the love of my family and the love of God I will figure this out. It all starts with taking one moment at a time.
I just hope by hearing my story the next time you see an overweight person you might try not to stare or judge. The sad thing is they are probably beating themselves up all on their own. They don’t need us adding to it. Say a prayer for them instead. And to Kelly Clarkson who just had a beautiful baby and looks beautiful no matter what size she is…. Thank you for showing the world that it doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks of us. We should embrace who we are and learn to love ourselves no matter what!
copyright 2015 Sheila M Scarpulla. All rights reserved. No reproduction without written consent