This statement really has an impact on me as a mother. As you know I am a stay-at-home mom and doing that job to the best of my abilities is so very important to me. It’s so important to me that I often struggle with disappointing myself on not being the best mother my children deserve.
One of my biggest struggles right now is my relationship with my middle child. I have this horrible fear that I am going to mess him up. My first child is the almost (if not) ideal child. He’s compassionate, smart, well-behaved, responsible, quiet….
Then my second son was born. He was a wonderful baby but he suffered from his share of ear infections and was not fun when he was sick. He is a ball of energy, athletic, thoughtful and loud. He is the first to jump up and help me or anyone with anything they need. You can see that he truly wants to make his parents proud of him. He is loving and feels horrible if he hurts someone by accident. (He doesn’t realize his own strength)
Yet, everyday after school is a battle between us. He doesn’t want to do homework after school and it sucks cause he is only in second grade and has very little. When he gets out of school he is full of so much energy and doesn’t know what to do with it. I asked his kindergarten teacher how I am supposed to deal with a high energy kid and she asked who I was talking about because in school my son is well-behaved. He listens and is on his best behavior so he saves all his energy for when he gets out.
More times than not he uses that energy for negative behavior. He bothers his sister or just doesn’t want to listen to me. I adore him and want him to grow to be the awesome man I know he can be but I feel like I don’t know how to help him get there. He is the one I yell and scream at and threaten. He is the child that when he goes to bed I whisper in his ear how sorry I am for not being the mom I should be.
He is my middle child that I do not want to see grow up and have ‘middle child syndrome’. He has a niche in our family and he is loved so much by all of us. Our life would be mundane without him in it. I want him to know all this. I want him to not feel left out or neglected but figuring out how seems to be my struggle. When I think we have made headway and found a system that works for us I find out I was wrong. The chaos begins again.
I simply have to pray. I pray for him, his siblings and for me and my husband that we figure things out. That we find what will make our family harmonious. I put one foot in front of the other and never give up. There is a solution and hopefully we find that sooner than later. Any ideas??
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